Thursday, November 3, 2011

This year...

Boy oh boy....this year really has been a tough one for me (health-wise). In January I had my first miscarriage, and then in April I had an Ectopic pregnancy (needing emergency surgery). Since then, I've been taking progesterone and trying to get pregnant, but with no luck. I feel like emotionally, I have felt really strong this entire year...up to now. I think all of the stress of church callings, Jovie getting "older" and just life in general has finally got me to a really unstable point for me emotionally. There has been a LOT of sporadic tears shed this week. Yuck, it is just gross. Well, really what set it off was my trip yesterday to my fertility doctor. I had to have the HSG test (where they inject ink into the fallopian tubes- in my case just my left one since I had to have my right one removed from the ectopic pregnancy) to see if the tube was clear- and it was! Yay.

But when I had to have the Sonohysterogram (saltwater injected into uterus and then vaginal ultrasound done) the doctor found a polyp attached to the top of the uterus. He predicted that this was why I may have miscarried in January. I guess this particular spot is where the fertilized egg tries to implant on the wall of the uterus- but if a polyp is in the way- you miscarry. So he said my chances of miscarrying in the future are extremely high unless I get it removed.

So, now I have to have ANOTHER surgery done. Ugh. Seriously. This has GOT to be the WORST possible time to have surgery. I know, I know...there is NEVER a convenient time for surgery, but this is HORRIBLE timing....

Just to spew off what's happening in my life currently-

I am the Ward Choir Director and am still in the process of choosing music for the church Christmas program- and it's in 6 WEEKS!!!

I am also a Sunday School teacher and Activity Day leader where I've got lessons to prep for every other week. (Luckily my teaching partner is helping me by teaching every week in November. Jenni is truly a saint!!)

I am directing choir practice for the ward Christmas program every Sunday for 45 minutes. 

I am singing in the Stake Christmas Program being done on the Sunday after Thanksgiving and have 2 hour practices every Sunday until the program. 

I just got called to put music together for a neighborhood Christmas Party being put on by our church...and also head a service project (toy drive) at the party. This will be on December 10. Luckily I got a committee of women to help get this project going!

Then I leave for Colorado for Christmas with all of my family on December 22 and don't return home until January 4... 

I am trying to keep Jovie happy and moving to limit the tantrums...that all seems to be going down the tubes. I think she skipped the terrible 2's and went right to 3's.

And then somewhere in between all of this I have to have surgery. Sheesh.

Is this a lot?? Maybe not compared to many other people...or who have 3+ kids...but to me, I am feeling close to topped out. It's sort of disappointing. In the past I have always felt like I can do it. Somehow I am feeling defeated. I know that at this point I really need to just focus my energy on the positive of now actually getting ANSWERS for why I haven't been able to get pregnant- and move forward. Rely on the Lord, because with Him I WILL get through this. And I will look back on this later and go, "what exactly was I so worried about? "

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, this verse of scripture kept popping out at me...

Articles of Faith 1:13

13 We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

Yes, I hope to endure ALL things.


Emily N. said...

Thinking of you, Mandy. And just know that no things are small and your burdens are hard ones. But isn't it wonderful you don't have to carry them alone? Pass on those burdens when you can. Let committees help you, delegate, pick your favorite Christmas music for the programs.

Do you want to do lunch sometime? I love being a sounding board. :)

love ya! Emily Norton

Aimee's Family Journal said...

You are loved. Let me help you.

Ezra, Kian & Eden said...

Blah! I'm stressed out after reading that! Poor girl.
Just take one day at a time, do your best, and let the rest sort itself out.
You are amazing and talented (part of why you're so busy) and you are a blessing to so many people. Just don't forget yourself in the midst of all of it.
I'm right down the street if you need anything. :)

shalae said...

I'm so sorry Mandy. Fertility problems are the worst! I'm glad you found what may be causing miscarriages and hopefully the surgery will help move things along. I had what felt like a nervous breakdown a few months ago for this same reason, and I felt like all the stress in my life was not helping in the hopes of getting pregnant. When I read your about your stresses it made mine seem small in comparison, so yes... for sure you need to delegate!! You have a lot on your plate! Good luck with everything - I will be thinking and praying about you!

debsfreckles said...

Sounds like you need a time out:)
It is a lot and you will get through it, just don't forget to ASK FOR HELP and LET OTHERS HELP YOU. I know it usually goes they other way with you, but we all need help sometimes.